


there is no falling in love (there's just spinning madly)

by saltyvenus



Series: i desire the things that destroy me in the end [1]
Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, American Horror Story: Coven
Genre: F/F, zoe is a little useless lesbian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 07:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18516613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyvenus/pseuds/saltyvenus
Summary: it's only the tiniest of moments; not even a heartbeat. but seeing her is like falling, and zoe's instantly charmed again.





	there is no falling in love (there's just spinning madly)

**Author's Note:**

> omg I started this is january but procrastination said no bitch!!! also I have no idea what this is, maybe just zoe havin a cute lil crush on mads but when she comes back from hell shes like :0 damn ma

zoe's liked madison from the first moment she saw her, w hich is to say that she's liked madison from the very first word she uttered to her, all those years ago. when zoe was just a mere little witch, barely getting by in a coven full of crazy bitches and untrustworthy supremes.

it’s just; the pride with which madison once carried herself with, the sleek, lilting tones of her voice. the way her mouth curved into a knowing smirk whenever she was right, green eyes sparkled with wide-eyed eagerness. you’d never understand. but you'll still want to try.

and so when madison comes back through the doors of miss robichaux's academy, after countless days and nights in hell, everyone gathers around her, and cordelia hugs her tight. it doesn’t feel that special to her, she’s lived through this moment before. but madison still hugs back because she feels like she  _ has  _ to. 

and for just a second, when her eyes open slightly, her gaze settles on zoe from behind cordelia’s shoulder.

it's only the tiniest of moments; not even a heartbeat.

but seeing her is like falling; and zoe’s instantly charmed again.

(how could she not be?)

 

xx

 

madison’s in the library (i know, shocker), going over some details about a conference that cordelia assigned her to go to later this month, as a representative of the coven, obviously. after being brought back from hell by mallory, the lovely supreme decided she  _ wasn’t _ going to let madison slack around in this lifetime. so, whatever, madison agreed because it’s not like she was  _ planning _ on doing shit anyways.

(at least she’s older and more responsible now, so the convincing part wasn’t that hard.)

between the lingering heat of summer - even with the windows open, the breeze does little good - and the monotonous sounds of madison’s paper shuffling, it's a hazy, drowsy sort of afternoon.

zoe is perched on the small desk in the corner, briefly looking over content to test her students for an upcoming magic exam. there’s concillum, pyrokinesis, her favorite, telekinesis, and so much more but  _ damn _ , being a teacher is exhausting, especially at such a young age. however, zoe wouldn’t change it for the world.

but today, zoe can't concentrate. she's distracted, thinking about madison’s piercing eyes. the hazel-green of them, like a grassy field with a tint of darkness. cold, but pretty. every so often she chances a look over in madison's direction. the front strands of her hair have grown out just a little too long; no matter how many times madison tucks them behind her ear, they always fall back into her eyes.

zoe thinks about saying something- anything, but her mouth remains closed; it's suddenly a foreign thing to her; she can't find it in herself to speak. she struggles against herself, against her indecisiveness. and no, she’s not a shy little teenager anymore, she’s moved on from that, but with the unspoken tension that constantly surrounds her and madison, zoe feels her will slipping.

"you've been looking me all afternoon." madison says, suddenly, looking up, and it's only then that zoe realizes she's been staring, the book in her lap completely forgotten about. “like what you see?”

"sorry." she mumbles and feels her face grow hot with embarrassment.

madison smirks slightly and looks back down at the stack of papers in front of her. she toys with the corner of one of the pages, bending it backwards and over. "i'm sure anything is more interesting than that book you've been reading. looks fucking boring."

she peers pointedly at the spellbook in zoe’s lap. and then her eyes move back up, meeting zoe’s gaze squarely. 

(those brilliant, brilliant eyes)

it's too much; zoe has to look away. but the image is burned in her mind, madison’s lips twitching up into a small smile, looking at her from across the room, and zoe wants so badly to look back, but she knows she can't do that.

not yet, anyway; she doesn't know what she might do or say. it scares and exhilarates her all at once, a feeling this enormous. 

(but zoe knows she'll look again; later and tomorrow and the day after that.)

(and she doesn't know if she'll ever stop.)

 

xx

 

_ now, among the endless sea of bedsheets, madison shines in the pale moonlight. ethereal. a goddess. _

_ when she smiles at zoe, zoe feels warm all the way down to her toes. for a moment, they forget about everything, the fact that the coven’s in the worst state it’s ever been, how cordelia is blind now, fiona, whoever is the next supreme. _

_ madison’s laughing, tipping her head to brush their noses together. the heat rises up her neck to color her cheeks, her heart’s a trapped bird in the cage of her chest. the first moment zoe realized she might be in love. _

_ but she straightens, stiffly, as madison brings kyle over to the bed, to play. his big hands are too eager as they touch her, and even if he doesn’t know any better, zoe still doesn’t enjoy it. _

_ the game is over. but even then, madison doesn't let go of zoe’s hand. _

_ and it makes zoe smile all the way home. _

 

xx

 

“hey,” mallory says, accompanying zoe at the kitchen counter sometime during the afternoon. she hops on the island to get in a better position.

“hm?” zoe hums at her to show she’s listening, while she brews her coffee in front of her.

"you remember when i told you about the apocalypse, and the antichrist?” mallory asks, but she knows zoe remembers. she was always all ears around mallory, as one of her most promising students.

“yes.” zoe replies, taking the cup of steaming hot coffee out of the machine, looking for some type of creamer to put in her drink. “running over demons with an SUV.” 

mallory chuckles. she can take humor, but her smile falters slightly after that. it wasn’t as funny as it sounded.

“i was always too scared to take a risk. they were right. so I'm going to take one now." she pauses then, as if to find the right words. “you don’t remember the madison i knew back at that time, but she  _ knew _ you. she knew exactly who you were. in the end, maybe she’s always been a little...”

(oh)

zoe’s mouth goes dry.

another pause. this one longer than the last. mallory’s mouth is a thin, hesitant smile. "do you understand?"

 

xx

 

(well, hasn’t zoe always known?)

 

xx

 

it's early in the morning when zoe wakes up; she’d always get up early and start planning her classes for the day. even with queenie around to help her, zoe can't shake the habit. when she gets to the library, she finds the door unlocked and madison waiting for her.

"madison.” zoe pauses in the doorway, at once curious and apprehensive. 

"surprised?" madison asks. she's leaning back in one of cordelia’s favorite chairs, her legs crossed at the ankle, feet propped up on the table. her phone lies face down in her lap, temporarily discarded.

zoe drops her books on the table opposite madison. "i wouldn't expect you to even be awake at a time like this."

"couldn't sleep," madison says. she stuffs her phone into her pocket, clambering to her feet and coming around the table. "i was thinking too much. aren't you curious to see what's gonna to happen once mallory becomes supreme?"

"i’m sure it’ll be okay." zoe tells madison, though her tone exposes her shaky confidence. “she’s not like fiona. she..” zoe bites her lip, frowning. "she’s not selfish. i’m sure she can find a way to reverse the supremacy on cordelia for a while."

madison raises her eyebrows. "oh?"

"there's no point in worrying."

"oh." madison hops up to sit on the table, swinging her legs. zoe stares at the folds in madison's night dress, hiked dangerously high up her thighs. "anyway, delia’s probably gonna last a long time. and then everything will still be fuckin' boring. might as well enjoy ourselves while we can."

zoe snorts, folding her arms. "isn't that what you always do anyway?"

madison shrugs, palms spread upwards in a feint of ignorance. but then she grins wolfishly, leaning back onto her hands. "not always, i still gotta work, y’know." she says, slow and sly, her words dripping like honey.

there's a sudden, almost imperceptible shift then; a spark. the air feels charged. 

zoe should know better than to stay. she should just turn and leave right now. but she can't bring herself to. and in that moment, madison moves to close the space between them. 

zoe licks her lips and averts her eyes self-consciously. she puts out a hand to stop madison from inching in even further. 

"what are you worried about, zoe?" madison’s question is nearly inaudible. a whisper. her mouth hovers just above zoe’s, almost close enough to touch.

"i'm not worried about anything," zoe says back, just as quietly. and she really isn’t. it’s everything she’s ever wanted.

she thinks she can feel madison's heartbeat underneath her palm, maybe madison's heart is racing just as fast as her own.

"i just-" zoe starts, but anything she might say, she can't. the words catch in her throat.

madison's face is unreadable; a strange, soft expression.

the moment that passes between them feels endless.

"well." madison says, and, finally, brings their mouths together in a kiss.

 

xx

 

_ (“i don’t know. i just don’t like how distant you are.” _

_ “get used to it.”) _

 

xx

 

a few days later, a lazy saturday afternoon. 

things have settled back to normal, for the time being, and it doesn’t feel so weird anymore. zoe welcomes this quiet reprieve, a chance to sort her emotions out. she's still not entirely sure where things stand between her and madison, they’re not friends nor enemies, but she knows what has changed and what has not. they still go on about their day, snide remarks from madison and snarky retorts from zoe, but there's an evenness to them now. a casual intimacy.

in their (still) shared bedroom, the sun streams through the windows, casting a golden hue over everything. a warm fall day. madison drapes herself out luxuriously over the pale lavender duvet. her studded leather jacket hangs over the back of zoe's desk chair, the top buttons of her shirt undone. black skirt drifting up around her thighs. madison is so different here than how she is downstairs with the rest of the witches. with mallory, with cordelia. a vulnerability that zoe suspects not many people will ever get to see.

and zoe is hopelessly, wonderfully in love.

she kisses madison’s neck, undoing the rest of the buttons on her shirt, and slipping a hand inside. she likes the way that madison’s eyes flutter closed when zoe touches her like this, makes her feel giddy. madison soon flips their positions so that she’s on top, like she’s always meant to be. her soft lips find their way to zoe’s, and it feel so, so nice. 

“missed feeling you,” madison whispers between breathy kisses. she smiles, stopping to wrap one of her hands in zoe’s. she’s changed; that much zoe could tell from that gesture alone. madison reaches up to brush a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“hey,” she breathes heavily, like she’s going to fall apart any minute. perhaps the all the guilt and sadness madison’s been feeling lately finally caught up to her. “i’m really sorry. you’ve always been there for me. you’re my best friend.” her voice trembles ever so slightly, but zoe is quick enough to catch it. “i love you.”

later, zoe will rest her head on madison's chest, warm with satisfaction, the sheets settled around them. madison’s fingers trace lazy, looping circles between zoe’s shoulder blades, and zoe curls a strand of blonde hair around her finger absentmindedly. 

it’s cute, it’s calm. it’s collected.

madison smiles into a kiss, and perhaps it’s enough for zoe to know she’s never been so happy in her whole life.

 

**Author's Note:**

> also to clear tings up, this is set in the timeline where mallory goes back in time blah blah brings madison back n shit and everyones happy, but the sections where its all italics are meant to be flashbacks set in coven time. for ex. sections 3 and 8 meant to be flashbacks. ok anyways


End file.
